Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
