shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
