I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
