Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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