her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
