absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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