i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
