I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My bed smells like the plague
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
