dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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