so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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