...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
