The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
