dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
