I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
