respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
