I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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