I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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