just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
