alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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