the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
