What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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