Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
