it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
