Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
