can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
