Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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