Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
