yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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