You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
