look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
