Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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