What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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