I think my fart just growled at me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
