I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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