oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
