the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
