I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
