is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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