i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
