Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
