She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
