just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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