I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
