before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
