think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
