Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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