Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
