OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
