So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
