Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
