i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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