Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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