His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
