I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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