I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
