is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
