Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
