Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm too high and old for this...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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