How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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