ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
