i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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