we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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