Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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