I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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