Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
